[noticing the days hurrying by...]

Saturday, December 23, 2000

12/23/2000 07:18:10 PM | linky
It's still really weird regarding the situation with my cousin Jerad. It's almost like "oh.. it'll be OK... he'll be back tomorrow." Going to his funeral last Friday kind of solidified his death in my mind, though.. but it's still very hard to imagine. Watching his wife place roses on his casket was one of the saddest things I've ever had to see. She broke down sobbing... so young, and already a widow...

Afterwards I went over and touched the casket to kind of say goodbye, and it was very hard, knowing he was in that box, and they were going to put him in the ground. It's not right. My uncle went to visit him the day before the funeral, to say goodbye in person... apparantly the mobile home landed on his head, and not just his chest as was originally thought, so it was not a pretty sight. But he said he had to go see him.

It's still hard to believe. I grew up with Jerad, y'know? To think that he no longer exists on this earth, and never will again, is hard. But what can you do?

Thom came over last night after getting off work, and we talked and embraced for a long time. I don't know if I'll ever fully understand or get over Jerad's death... it will never make sense to me.

Laurel and I exchanged gifts today. so many years of exchanging gifts... so many years of friendship. It's wonderful to have buds like her. tomorrow is Christmas Eve! hard to believe. years of memories, of every Christmas of my life... Jerad was there for many of them.

Wednesday, December 20, 2000

12/20/2000 07:48:14 PM | linky
(I posted this same message on my other blog as well, so if you read both, I'm sorry.)

My large extended family has just become one person smaller...

My cousin Jerad was killed yesterday afternoon. He was 23.

That's too young to die - no one should die that young; not the way he did!

He and his father-in-law were installing a mobile home that he and his wife had recently purchased to move into, on her parents' property. It was a great source of joy for them - they'd finally gotten the permit, and were about to install it, and everything was looking great.

They had removed the wheels from the mobile home and were lowering it back to the ground when it slipped off its support blocks and fell on Jerad, across his chest, crushing him. He was dead instantly.

There is no possible way I can even describe the emotion and memories and sadness I feel about this - there's no way anyone could express or understand it just by writing or reading it in this stupid blog. I grew up with Jerad. I stilll cannot believe he's gone - just like that. He died while I was at work. He died while his wife was at work. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it.

My aunt and uncle are just devestated. There are a lot of personal details about their relationship with Jerad I won't go into just for their sake, but it's just so awful that he had to die now. It's just awful. We all went over to their house last night after we heard - the entire in-town family converged on their little house; cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles - and the look on his dad's face was just haunting. It's just so, so sad. I can't believe it. There was nothing any of us could do but cry, and remember, and pray. 6 days before Christmas, and he was gone. I feel so bad for his wife... I just can't believe it.

I can't talk about it anymore. I haven't seen him in so long, and now it's only "what if." My dad had to call my brother in Florida - he and Jerad were very close when they were younger - and my brother is just as shocked. He'll be home in time for the funeral, at least. I still just don't believe it... it can't be real. No one close to me has ever died before.

I'm just sitting here shaking my head. This is impossible to comprehend... I wonder what his funeral will be like. I wonder if he knew it when he died, or if he was just gone. I wonder why.

I heard that he had recently recommited his life to God. In that case... I'll see him again, someday...

Monday, December 18, 2000

12/18/2000 11:18:15 PM | linky
I'm wearing a silly hat.

Laurel and I hopped on over to Victoria, B.C. last Saturday, mainly to go to Lush, THE best body/bath/etc. shop that has ever existed. (Everything is fresh and made with all natural, good-smelling stuff - walking into the store is like smelling heaven! Most everything is "vegan-ese" - meaning, I suppose, that it is completely unrelated to animals.) But where was I. After Lush and Roger's Chocolates, there was not much else we wanted to do in Victora, and besides, it was pouring literal sheets of rain upon us (and we'd thought it would be snowy! Ha!) So we ran to the ferry around noon and discovered that the next (and last) ferry left at 4 pm. Dang. We bought a cheap umbrella (which later broke on us and stabbed us with its razor-sharp ends, but to which we clinged nonetheless, even as it continuously inverted itself and was a general pain in the rear) and ran... no, sloshed... no, waded over to the "Royal Museum" to burn some time. Ahh... stuffed animals. Like, actual stuffed (once-live) animals. Some of them looked alive. I didn't want anything to do with the giant elephant seal. One nifty part was the London street, complete with buildings and cobblestones and everything - it felt almost real, or at least like a movie set.

So we bummed around and I flopped about in my silly hat (or "tuque" as they say in Canada... only they say it more like tuuk, or took, or something like that... looks like a hat to me :) and we finally made it home, and Thommy and I watched Gladiator (man movie... yaaaaaaah!).

I tried out my Lush shampoo bar (solid! Rub it on your head! Very strange!) and Lush conditioner and liked the smell quite a bit, but wished it detangled a little better. (I have horrible tangly hair... the best conditioner I ever tried was that Aussie 3-minute miracle stuff... I used it every day, and you're only supposed to use it once or twice a week! That's how bad my hair gets :P)

I have to work all day tomorrow, so I'm going to bed... Ich gehe zum Bett.

Oyasumi nasai.

Thursday, December 14, 2000

12/14/2000 11:38:26 AM | linky
La la la it is quite cold 'round here these days... every morning I have to scrape my car like a madman (I'm usually running late anyway, and don't quite have the extra 10 minutes required to scrape rock-solid ice from my windshield) and speed (through a school zone! :P) up to the college. Funny that I live probably 5 minutes away, and I'm always tardy. Bah.

*sob* my cousin has removed me from her link list. Ah well... I suppose I didn't fit in too well with her overall "theme" anyway. ;)

"the weather outside is frightful..."

I need to play the piano more.... I was learning "Claire de Lune" when I quit (after 15 years of lessons!! *gasp*) so I never finished it.. and I'd like to. I was playing the part I have memorized for Thom to listen to last night, and he was pretty enthralled with it. :) I like to make him happy. Especially now, when his life in incredibly busy and he's completely stressed.

I did really well this quarter. It's probably my best one at the college... and I've been here for awhile! Hopefully I can keep it up... :D

Sunday, December 10, 2000

12/10/2000 10:43:01 PM | linky
I have decided that I'm going to learn how to use Flash. I got Flash 5 from a friend at college, and darnit, I'm going to figure it out! :D You can do pretty amazing things with Flash, and from what I hear, it's fairly easy on the bandwidth, and not too hard to learn. So this site may just turn into my little testing zone...

Relatives from Alaska are in town! Yay! I haven't seen them in quite some time. So much changes... and so much stays the same. How's that for a poignant obvious fact of the day.

Thom has been working a LOT lately. Our time together has been limited to traveling in-between events and hanging out for 45 minutes at lunchtime. I guess that's better that it will be next year - when he goes off to college and I can't see him at all - but I guess for that reason too, I want to make the most of this time.

"Never saw the sun shining so bright; never saw things going so right
noticing the days hurrying by; when you're in love, my how they fly..."

It's supposed to snow here soon, with the coldest weather this reigon has seen in a long long time.... weeha! I can hardly wait. :D

Saturday, December 02, 2000

12/2/2000 04:32:32 PM | linky
This is an awesome site. :D I've been looking for that "draggable" script!

12/2/2000 03:07:31 PM | linky
I'm really acheing for him today.

Must take cold shower.

The fact that I just got back the black-and-white set of pictures I took of him - and they are very good - doesn't help one bit.

You have these kind of days, don't you? I flip through the pictures... and I yearn.

Hey, I'm only human too...

But I will keep my promise to myself and to him and to God... that we'll both remain (gasp) virgins (gasp) until we're married - which is the plan. Oh, it's so, so hard sometimes... but we can do it. We'll wait. Sexual purity is a hard thing to maintain, especially in today's version of "society," but it is possible... we are proof. That doesn't mean the temptation isn't there, though.

And these are very nice pictures... :>


	Saturday, December 23, 2000 12/23/2000 07:18:10 PM \| linky It's still really weird regarding the situation with my cousin Jerad. It's almost like "oh.. it'll be OK... he'll be back tomorrow." Going to his funeral last Friday kind of solidified his death in my mind, though.. but it's still very hard to imagine. Watching his wife place roses on his casket was one of the saddest things I've ever had to see. She broke down sobbing... so young, and already a widow... Afterwards I went over and touched the casket to kind of say goodbye, and it was very hard, knowing he was in that box, and they were going to put him in the ground. It's not right. My uncle went to visit him the day before the funeral, to say goodbye in person... apparantly the mobile home landed on his head, and not just his chest as was originally thought, so it was not a pretty sight. But he said he had to go see him. It's still hard to believe. I grew up with Jerad, y'know? To think that he no longer exists on this earth, and never will again, is hard. But what can you do? Thom came over last night after getting off work, and we talked and embraced for a long time. I don't know if I'll ever fully understand or get over Jerad's death... it will never make sense to me. Laurel and I exchanged gifts today. so many years of exchanging gifts... so many years of friendship. It's wonderful to have buds like her. tomorrow is Christmas Eve! hard to believe. years of memories, of every Christmas of my life... Jerad was there for many of them. Wednesday, December 20, 2000 12/20/2000 07:48:14 PM \| linky (I posted this same message on my other blog as well, so if you read both, I'm sorry.) My large extended family has just become one person smaller... My cousin Jerad was killed yesterday afternoon. He was 23. That's too young to die - no one should die that young; not the way he did! He and his father-in-law were installing a mobile home that he and his wife had recently purchased to move into, on her parents' property. It was a great source of joy for them - they'd finally gotten the permit, and were about to install it, and everything was looking great. They had removed the wheels from the mobile home and were lowering it back to the ground when it slipped off its support blocks and fell on Jerad, across his chest, crushing him. He was dead instantly. There is no possible way I can even describe the emotion and memories and sadness I feel about this - there's no way anyone could express or understand it just by writing or reading it in this stupid blog. I grew up with Jerad. I stilll cannot believe he's gone - just like that. He died while I was at work. He died while his wife was at work. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it. My aunt and uncle are just devestated. There are a lot of personal details about their relationship with Jerad I won't go into just for their sake, but it's just so awful that he had to die now. It's just awful. We all went over to their house last night after we heard - the entire in-town family converged on their little house; cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles - and the look on his dad's face was just haunting. It's just so, so sad. I can't believe it. There was nothing any of us could do but cry, and remember, and pray. 6 days before Christmas, and he was gone. I feel so bad for his wife... I just can't believe it. I can't talk about it anymore. I haven't seen him in so long, and now it's only "what if." My dad had to call my brother in Florida - he and Jerad were very close when they were younger - and my brother is just as shocked. He'll be home in time for the funeral, at least. I still just don't believe it... it can't be real. No one close to me has ever died before. I'm just sitting here shaking my head. This is impossible to comprehend... I wonder what his funeral will be like. I wonder if he knew it when he died, or if he was just gone. I wonder why. I heard that he had recently recommited his life to God. In that case... I'll see him again, someday... Monday, December 18, 2000 12/18/2000 11:18:15 PM \| linky I'm wearing a silly hat. Laurel and I hopped on over to Victoria, B.C. last Saturday, mainly to go to Lush, THE best body/bath/etc. shop that has ever existed. (Everything is fresh and made with all natural, good-smelling stuff - walking into the store is like smelling heaven! Most everything is "vegan-ese" - meaning, I suppose, that it is completely unrelated to animals.) But where was I. After Lush and Roger's Chocolates, there was not much else we wanted to do in Victora, and besides, it was pouring literal sheets of rain upon us (and we'd thought it would be snowy! Ha!) So we ran to the ferry around noon and discovered that the next (and last) ferry left at 4 pm. Dang. We bought a cheap umbrella (which later broke on us and stabbed us with its razor-sharp ends, but to which we clinged nonetheless, even as it continuously inverted itself and was a general pain in the rear) and ran... no, sloshed... no, waded over to the "Royal Museum" to burn some time. Ahh... stuffed animals. Like, actual stuffed (once-live) animals. Some of them looked alive. I didn't want anything to do with the giant elephant seal. One nifty part was the London street, complete with buildings and cobblestones and everything - it felt almost real, or at least like a movie set. So we bummed around and I flopped about in my silly hat (or "tuque" as they say in Canada... only they say it more like tuuk, or took, or something like that... looks like a hat to me :) and we finally made it home, and Thommy and I watched Gladiator (man movie... yaaaaaaah!). I tried out my Lush shampoo bar (solid! Rub it on your head! Very strange!) and Lush conditioner and liked the smell quite a bit, but wished it detangled a little better. (I have horrible tangly hair... the best conditioner I ever tried was that Aussie 3-minute miracle stuff... I used it every day, and you're only supposed to use it once or twice a week! That's how bad my hair gets :P) I have to work all day tomorrow, so I'm going to bed... Ich gehe zum Bett. Oyasumi nasai. Thursday, December 14, 2000 12/14/2000 11:38:26 AM \| linky La la la it is quite cold 'round here these days... every morning I have to scrape my car like a madman (I'm usually running late anyway, and don't quite have the extra 10 minutes required to scrape rock-solid ice from my windshield) and speed (through a school zone! :P) up to the college. Funny that I live probably 5 minutes away, and I'm always tardy. Bah. sob my cousin has removed me from her link list. Ah well... I suppose I didn't fit in too well with her overall "theme" anyway. ;) "the weather outside is frightful..." I need to play the piano more.... I was learning "Claire de Lune" when I quit (after 15 years of lessons!! gasp) so I never finished it.. and I'd like to. I was playing the part I have memorized for Thom to listen to last night, and he was pretty enthralled with it. :) I like to make him happy. Especially now, when his life in incredibly busy and he's completely stressed. I did really well this quarter. It's probably my best one at the college... and I've been here for awhile! Hopefully I can keep it up... :D Sunday, December 10, 2000 12/10/2000 10:43:01 PM \| linky I have decided that I'm going to learn how to use Flash. I got Flash 5 from a friend at college, and darnit, I'm going to figure it out! :D You can do pretty amazing things with Flash, and from what I hear, it's fairly easy on the bandwidth, and not too hard to learn. So this site may just turn into my little testing zone... Relatives from Alaska are in town! Yay! I haven't seen them in quite some time. So much changes... and so much stays the same. How's that for a poignant obvious fact of the day. Thom has been working a LOT lately. Our time together has been limited to traveling in-between events and hanging out for 45 minutes at lunchtime. I guess that's better that it will be next year - when he goes off to college and I can't see him at all - but I guess for that reason too, I want to make the most of this time. "Never saw the sun shining so bright; never saw things going so right noticing the days hurrying by; when you're in love, my how they fly..." It's supposed to snow here soon, with the coldest weather this reigon has seen in a long long time.... weeha! I can hardly wait. :D Saturday, December 02, 2000 12/2/2000 04:32:32 PM \| linky This is an awesome site. :D I've been looking for that "draggable" script! 12/2/2000 03:07:31 PM \| linky I'm really acheing for him today. Must take cold shower. The fact that I just got back the black-and-white set of pictures I took of him - and they are very good - doesn't help one bit. You have these kind of days, don't you? I flip through the pictures... and I yearn. Hey, I'm only human too... But I will keep my promise to myself and to him and to God... that we'll both remain (gasp) virgins (gasp) until we're married - which is the plan. Oh, it's so, so hard sometimes... but we can do it. We'll wait. Sexual purity is a hard thing to maintain, especially in today's version of "society," but it is possible... we are proof. That doesn't mean the temptation isn't there, though. And these are very nice pictures... :>	{archives {contact